Skinny Santa in Brown Shorts

I love my UPS guy. Which is convenient, because I also love shopping online. I think as kids we are programmed to love opening boxes because of Christmas. A box holds a mystery, and the mystery is probably the greatest toy in the universe!

Not much has changed since I was a kid. I still LOVE opening boxes. Of course, now I usually know what is in the box because I have ordered it from Amazon myself...and paid for it myself...and I have been tracking it online. Still, when I hear the UPS truck screech to a stop in front of my house, I'm all "PRESENTS!!!"

I usually rush out to meet my UPS guy, Charles, who is like a skinny Santa in brown shorts. He's always formal like, "Hello Ms. Harris. Can I get you to sign here?" And I'm like, "Ugh. Charles! Don't bother me with that. Hand me your pocket knife so I cut this baby open and get my goodiiiiies!" Sometimes when I order things online I decide to get wild and I don't use the tracking information. That way I am extra-excited when I hear the UPS truck stop. It really is like Santa! There I am, typing a work email or making a cup of coffee, and BAM! Presents!

Whatever is in the box is irrelevant. It doesn't even have to be exciting. Diabetic test strips, a box of envelopes for work, new shoes for Ottis, whatever. It is simply the fact that UPS Santa is delivering a box that I get to open. I loooove it.

So yesterday, I was expecting a package. I'd been hovering by my open front door waiting for Charles to arrive for ages. Earlier that day I had picked up my birthday cake (a REAL cake, not a soybean flour cake). It has been a LONG time since I have eaten something sugary and delicious like a birthday cake.

In my distracted "I can't wait to eat this!" state, I did not hear Charles' truck stop. Nor did I hear him walk up to my front door. So when he looked in what he saw was me, with my cake on the cabinet hovering over it like:

In case he didn't think I was a total weirdo before, now he definitely does. I was all, "Oh! Hi! Um, I'm not about to eat this whole thing myself. It is my birthday tomorrow. I have The Beetus and I don't eat cake often and I love cake and I am just really excited about getting to eat this tomorrow!" His response? "...Uh, huh. Sign here please Ms. Harris." Oh Charles.