Perk Number One: Unsolicited Compliments!
The vast majority of diabetics are Type 2's, and all the news ever talks about is the Type 2 Diabetes epidemic. Type 2's tend to be middle-age or older have a bunch of co-morbidity factors like obesity, heart disease, etc. So when people find out I'm diabetic I usually get one of the following reactions:
"Diabetic? But you're so skinny!"
or
"Diabetic? But you're so young!"
or
"Diabetic? But you're in such great shape!"
Compliments compliments! I'm all, "Why thanks! I workout."
Perk Number Two: Being Movie Theater Royalty
One of the things that can get you kicked out of a movie theater is getting busted sneaking in your own snacks. Movie theaters make a killing on their overpriced snacks and they do not like people cheating by bringing in their own food! However, if you have The Beetus you can carry in whatever you want. When you are asked about your purse bursting at the seams with food you just flash your insulin and say, "I've gots The Beetus!" and suddenly theater staffers can't move fast enough to help you. "Oh, okay ma'am. No problem. Can I get you anything?" And I'm like, "Nah, I've got a hot dog, some Twizzlers, Sun Chips, Thin Mints and a whole bag of popcorn in here. I just need a Coke...actually, make that a DIET Coke...gotta cut back somewhere, you know?"
Perk Number Three: Technology!
By now you know I am obsessed with my Dexcom. My HOT PINK SPARKLY Dexcom in it's rainbow polkadot case! I'm not the only one who is obsessed with it. During my weekend of blindness, my Mom had to check my glucose for me so she became familiar with my Dexcom. Now she checks it just for the heck of it.
PAT: "How is your blood sugar. Want me to check your Dexcom?"
ME: "Nah, I'm fine. Thanks."
PAT: (Checks it anyway) "NINETY-SEVEN!"
ME: "Sigh. Thanks mom."
Skeeter likes to check it too because he is so proud that he can read the numbers. Although he sometimes reads them wrong and nearly gives me a heart attack.
SKEETER: "Look Tates, it says three-hundred and one!" (Smiles proudly)
ME: "WHAT!? 301!?" (Check Dexcom) "That's one hundred and three dude. You are reading it upside down."
Perk Number Four: Snacks!
Before a few years ago, rapid acting insulin (you just shoot up right before you eat and then chow down!) didn't exist. So PWB's (People with The Beetus) would have to take a massive dose of long-acting insulin that would just continually drop their blood sugar all day. So if they didn't eat regularly they would pass out! That doesn't really happen any more, but most people don't know that...so I get offered snacks ALL THE TIME. And as previously discussed, in detail, I love me some snacks! People are like, "Sweetie, do you need a snack?" and I'm like, "Uh, "need?" No. Want? Absolutely!"
Perk Number Five: Skinny Jeans!
If you aren't careful with your insulin, it can make you gain weight. BUT, a lot of the oral medications they give 1.5 diabetics like me can make you LOSE weight. After a recent trip to the doctor, my endocrinologist put me on a new medication, and real life his warning was, "Just pay attention and make sure you eat enough. This medication tends to cause loss of appetite and weight loss, so don't forget to eat a little something, even if you don't feel hungry." I was like, "Sorry, what did you say? I completely stopped listening after "loss of appetite and weight loss." I couldn't hear you over the sound of my own euphoria! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get home and dust off my skinny jeans! BAM!"
Perk Number Six: A Puppy!
So, there are these dogs called "DADs" which is short for Diabetes Alert Dog. Real life. When my friend Heidi first told me about them I thought she'd lost her mind, but they exist! Dogs can smell the changes in blood sugar, so they can train dogs to basically work like my Dexcom. The dog will alert you if your blood sugar is getting too high or too low. MIND BLOWN! Unfortunately, since my cheap-skate insurance company wouldn't even pay for my Dexcom, I highly doubt I'm going to convince them to buy me a puppy. I can only imagine how horribly that conversation would go. "Um, hi. I am ensured by your company and I was wondering if my insurance policy covers dogs? Like, a medical alert dog to monitor my blood? No, I'm not drunk. Why do you ask?"
Perk Number Seven: Excuses, Excuses
When PWB's get low blood sugar they often get cranky. When PWB's get high blood sugar we often feel tired and lethargic. So, pretty much whatever bad mood I'm in can be covered by using The Beetus as an excuse. "Sorry I snapped at you earlier my blood sugar was a little low." Um, but not really, you just annoy me...
"Sorry I didn't get the yard mowed today. My blood sugar was high so I was pretty tired." Um, but not really, I was just in the middle of a Vampire Diaries marathon.
I'm not saying I ever do that...I'm just saying I COULD. Mwahahaha!
Perk Number Eight: Teacher's Pet
Every three months I go to see my endocrinologist for a check up. I love making people proud of me, and my endo is no exception. He's all, "Your A1C level looks great! All your numbers are great! You're healthier than most non-diabetic people!" On the outside I'm like, "Oh great. That's really good. Thanks." But on the inside I'm like, "BAM! Rooooooocked it! I am the smartest woman aliiiiiiiiive! I'm a freaking DIABETES NINJA!"
Perk Number Nine: Fearlessness!
Nobody likes getting shots and I was no exception...until I got The Beetus. Now I take at least one shot a day, sometimes two or three if I decide to eat lots of high-carb delicious treats. So now, I laugh in the face of shots! Everyone else is like, "Eeek! I have to go get my flu shot today!" or "Ugh. I have to go to the doctor and he is going to poke my finger. I hate it!" or "Oh no. I have to go get that new vaccine. I hate needles!" But I am so comfortable with needles at this point it doesn't even phase me. It is literally such a common part of my routine that it is on my "Need to do it but do it on autopilot" list, like brushing my teeth and combing my hair. By the time my morning coffee kicks in and I become self-aware, I've already done my shot. Boom.
Perk Number Ten: Healthy Eating
I have always been a healthy eater, but now I am even better. Partly because having The Beetus has made me more aware of what I am ingesting, but let's be honest, it's mostly because I am lazy. If PWB's want to eat something high carb we totally can, but we have to calculate it so we know how much insulin to use to compensate. I HATE math, and I am just too lazy most of the time. So trips to restaurants lately have been going a lot like this, "Yes, I'll have the chili-cheese fries please. Let me just calculate the carbs in that. Let's see, I need to divide the number of carbs by 15 and then multiply that by...er...uh...does anyone have a pen? I can't do math in my head...uh, let's see...uh...oh, forget it. I'll have the grilled chicken."
VS. 
