Cleanup on Aisle 1!

Since I consider myself a healthy eater, last week a friend asked me what should have been a simple question, "When was the last time you actually ate a vegetable? Not as part of some pre-packaged meal, just an actual fresh fruit or vegetable?" What should have been an easy question left me like...

Determined to change my ways, I hit Kroger early Saturday morning. Unfortunately, Annoying Veggie Guy was on duty. Annoying Veggie Guy works in the fruit and vegetable section. Every time I go into Kroger when he is on duty he immediately seeks me out and then follows me around trying to make casual conversation. However, there's really not much to discuss in the fruit and veggie section, so Annoying Veggie Guy quickly runs out of things to say and then he just hovers by the Slurpee machine and stares at me creepily while I shop.

Saturday, after I'd managed to lose Annoying Veggie Guy, I was feeling pretty smug about myself with my cart full of fruits and veggies. I felt like one of those "health food" people and was wandering around with my head held high. 

I rounded the corner and parked my cart in front of the organic section to get one last veggie. But as I reached up for a cucumber it bumped the onion sitting next to it. I caught the onion but it was too late...I suddenly found myself in the middle of a vegetable avalanche! 

Onions, cucumbers and sweet potatoes went everywhere! I was ankle deep in veggies and my buggy was completely surrounded. There was nowhere to run! Other shoppers had all stopped to stare at the catastrophe I'd created and I couldn't do anything but stand there mortified. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, from the corner of my eye I saw Annoying Veggie Guy sprinting towards me like Superman running towards a burning car. 

Now I was embarrassed by the vegetable avalanche I'd caused AND trapped by Annoying Veggie Guy. It took a good 5 minutes to clean up the vegetable spill, during which time Annoying Veggie Guy tried to talk to me about proper vegetable stacking techniques. As soon as the last onion was back in place I grabbed my cart, gave Annoying Veggie Guy a courtesy nod, and sped to the checkout like my life depended on it!

Aside from being easy to cook and delicious, prepackaged meals also never jump out of the freezer section and ruin your morning. 

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Saturday evening and early Sunday morning are usually my most stressful hours of the week. That is when my phone starts ringing off the hook with "Hey, I won't make it to teach Sunday school tomorrow" texts and calls. My mom, bless her, usually ends up stepping in to substitute every week. Last week, things got so desperate I had to call in...MY DAD.

I had been less than subtle when voicing my concerns about putting Big Jim in with a room full of toddlers, but I was desperate and I figured with my mom in there as well, things would be fine. Mom could teach the lesson and love the kids, while dad could stand by the door and use his "stern face" on any of the kids who might consider trying to escape.

30 minutes after parking my parents in a Sunday school room full of 3 year olds, I came back to check on them expecting to find the room looking like it was...well, a room full of 3 year olds. Typically during playtime the 3 year old room has toys strewn about, at least 2 kids running around with buckets on their heads, and Goldfish crackers being thrown like confetti. Instead, I found each child quietly seated at the table, eating their snack neatly, listening intently to my dad tell the Bible story while my mom refilled the snack cups. I stood at the door in awe and then my dad just turned around and smirked at me.

I came back at the end of class and asked the kids if they'd liked having Mr. Jim and Mrs. Pat as teachers. They said "Yes!" I said, "How many of you want to have Mr. Jim as a teacher again next week?" They nearly fell out of their chairs in their rush to raise their hands. WHAAAAT. MIND BLOWN.